PunK "Em Into Oblivion

by Maddogge
(Harrisburg, PA)

The National Do-Not-Call Registry was a good start and 90+ percent of legitimate companies respect and use it. The remaining scum telemarketers will keep changing tactics and dancing around the DNCR and will only ever respond to what hurts their bottom line. My solution requires a bit of time and effort, but then, so does sex… These tactics may not be as satisfying as sex, but they ARE great fun and have the added bonus of helping to fix one of life’s perpetual annoyances:

1) ALWAYS answer the phone – if we are running away, the “terrorists” win. ALWAYS “press 1” to talk to an Operator.
2) When you get an actual person, express reluctant interest in whatever product or service is being hawked. Talk slowly and ask lots of questions. Always give phony personal info like CC#, SS#, address, heck even change your name slightly. Keep them on the line as long as possible.
3) Try to get as much info about the company as possible and file a BBB complaint if you can (“Unethical Sales Practices”). A national energy company recently revamped their entire telemarketing policies in regard to the DNCR in response to a BBB complaint I filed – this CAN work.
4) If the product involves your home, set up an appointment for a time that you are not home, or just don’t answer the door. This can cost a company a LOT of money and resources.
Remember, the goal is to cost these companies time, money, and maybe more importantly, to make it impossible for them to know if they are talking to a sucker, or just another Phone Punker. Be creative, have fun, and feel proud that YOU are helping to eliminate one of life’s many intractable and seemingly un-fixable problems.

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